either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
