Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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