well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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