So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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