Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
