sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
