It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
