I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
