ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
