Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
