I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
