Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
