i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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