So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
