Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
