Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
