id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
