OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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