Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
