I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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