You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
