Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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