Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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