It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
