Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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