There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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