Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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