Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
