M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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