Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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