i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
