Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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