After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
