girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
