Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
