Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
