By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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