i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
