She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
