i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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