i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
