Even the bartender felt bad for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
