i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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