Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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