a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
