He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
