I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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