But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
