Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
