i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
